Orthodoxy is not only a duty which we execute on Sunday morning and about which we forget, leaving a temple; Orthodoxy is a way of life. And the way of life includes all habits and views, ideas and actions: lifestyle and a method of life. For us, members of the Orthodox Church, christianity is «our daily bread». A christian aspires to Christ and His Church, but not to the ideals of the modern world, which in many respects don't agree with the christian way of life or distort it. It is especially evident in a family. It, above all, fell under noxious influence of secular society which has distorted love and marriage. Now amourousness is often taken for love, and this heartfelt (not spiritual) sense by no means is not enough for a real family life. An amorousness can accompany love (however, not necessarily) - but it passes too easily; and what then? "At every step we have cases, when people meet in marriage, because they "have fallen in love» with each other, but such marriages are often not strong! Such amorousness is often named "physiological". When a "physiological amorousness" ceases, people, who met in marriage, either break loyalty, saving external marriage relations, or divorce" How does Church regards marriage? In marriage the church sees mystery of love - love not only human but also divine. «Marriage is mystery of love» - Saint John Chrysostom says and explains that marriage is mystery because it exceeds the scopes of our mind, because twain become one in it . Blessed Augustin also names marriage love mystery (sacramentum). The beneficial character of marriage love is indissolubly connected with it , because the Lord is present where people are united with mutual love (Mt. 18, 20). About marriage as a union of love the liturgical books of Orthodox Church say. «Let them be sent a perfect, peaceful love», we read in the following of betrothing. In the following of wedding ceremony the Church prays about the gift of «love to each other» to people, which are getting married. Marriage love itself between a husband and wife is mysterious and has a shade of adoration. «Marriage love is the strongest type of love. Other affections are strong too, but this affection has such force which never weakens. And in the future time faithful married couples fearlessly will meet and will be always with Christ and with each other in great gladness», - John Chrysostom writes. Except this side of marriage love there is another one in it, not less important. «Christian marriage love is not only gladness but also a deed, and has nothing in common with that «free love» which by commonly held view, must replace the institute of marriage, wich is allegedly out-of-date. In love we not only get another person but also give ourselves completely, and without complete death of the personal egoism there can't be resurrection for a new life which is over all personal things... Christianity admits only love, which is ready for unlimited sacrifices, only love, which is ready to give one's soul for a brother, for a friend (In. 15, 13; 1 In. 3, 16 and others), because only through such love an individual elevates to mysterious life of the Holy Trinity and Church. So must be marriage love. Christianity does not know other marriage love, except love, similar to love of Christ to the Church, Which gave Himself for it (Eph. 5, 25.)» Saint John Chrysostom teaches in his inspired sermons, that a husband must not stop at any torture and even death, if it is necessary for the welfare of his wife. «I consider you to be more precious than my soul», - a husband says to his wife in the sermons by John Chrysostom. A «perfect» marriage love asked about during betrothing, there is love which ready on self-sacrifice and its deep sense consists in that fact that in orthodox temples the church song «Saint martyrs» is included in the procedure of wedding ceremony. What is marriage established for? Marriage is not just "a method of everyday life arrangement", it is not a "utilitarian" mean for continuation of a family - although it includes these sides, as well. Above all, marriage is a mystery of the appearance of the Kingdom of Heaven as early as in this world. «When Saint Apostle Paul names marriage a "secret" (or a "mystery", that in Greece sounds similarly), he means that in marriage a person not only satisfies the necessities of the everyday, mundane existence but also takes a step towards a purpose which he was created for, that is, he enters the Kingdom of eternal life. Naming marriage a "mystery", the Apostle asserts that marriage also remains in the Kingdom of eternity. A husband becomes a single whole, single "flesh" with his wife, like God's Son stopped being only God, became also a man in order His people could become His Body. That is why the evangelic narration compares the Kingdom of Heaven with a marriage feast so often. Marriage was already established in the paradise, established by God. A basic source of church studies about marriage, the Bible, - does not say that the institute of marriage appeared then as a public or church establishment. Neither Church nor state are the source of marriage. On the contrary, marriage is a source both of Church and state. Marriage precedes all public and religious organizations. The first marriage was contracted by the «Divine mercy». In the first marriage the husband and the wife are the carriers of the higher earthly power, are the souverens which the whole world is submited to (Gen. 1, 28). A family is the first form of Church, it is a «small church», as it is named by Zlatoust, and at the same time it is a source of the state, as an organization of power, because, as the Bible says, the basis of every power of a man above a man is in God's words about authority of a husband over his wife: he shall rule over thee (Gen. 3, 16). Thus, a family is not only a small church, but also a small state. That's why the attitude of Church toward marriage had a character of confession. This idea is shown well in the evangelic narration about marriage in Cana of Galilee (In. 2, 1-11). It saw the mystery of marriage not in the wedding ceremony, but in the very connection of a husband and his wife in one creature, which is over all personal things, by consent and love. Therefore confessors often name the mystery of mutual love of married couples (for example, Zlatoust), indestructibility of marriage (for example, Amvrosiy Mediolanskiy, blessed Augustin), but never consider the wedding ceremony to be a mystery. Emphasizing the human factor of marriage - the consent, they put the other, the objective factor - the form of marriage - in dependence on the first one, from the will of the parts and give the parts the freedom in choosing a form of marriage, advising the church form, if there are no obstacles for it. In other words, during the first nine centuries of all its history Church admited the marriage form optionalness. How does Church regards the matrimonial relations? A man is not only a spiritual creature, a man, is not an angel. We consist not only of a soul but also a body, of matter; and this material element of our life is not something casual, that can be cast aside. God created a man with a soul and body, in other words, simultaneously spiritual and material, this very connection of spirit, a soul and a body, is named as a man in the Bible and in the Gospel. "Intimacy of a husband and his wife is a part of the human nature created by God, God's project for a human life. For this reason such intercourse can not be carried out by chance, with anyone, for the sake of one's own pleasure or passion, but it always must be related to his (her) complete return and to complete loyalty to the other person, only then it becomes a source of spiritual satisfaction and gladness for loving people". Neither a man nor a woman can be used just as partners for pleasure, even if they agree to do it... When Jesus Christ says: "That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her in his heart" (Mt.5,28), He forbids us to consider another person as an object for pleasure even in our thoughts. Nothing is impure, but everything, without any exception, can become that through an undue use. The same thing can happen and, alas, quite often it happens with the higher Divine gift to a human - with love. And in place of blessed matrimonial love, naturally including carnal relations, as well, dirty passion, thirst of possessing, can come. But not under any circumstances we can equate them with each other». It is very important to remember that marriage is a long and difficult spiritual way, in which there is a place for one's chastity, continence. Where intimacies occupy a very large place, a family runs the danger of going away into passion, and the task of the family, as an integral life remains unsolved... As soon as spiritual connections disappear in a family, it inevitably becomes just sexual cohabitation, sometimes going down to the real lechery, which has accepted a legal form. It was said above that procreation is not the only one purpose of Marriage. But Marriage certainly includes (at least potentially) this side, as well. And how it blossoms, how it changes from the point of view of really-christian studies about matrimony! Birth of children and cary of them in the family are a natural product of love of a husband and a wife, the biggest pledge of their union. A husband and a wife must understand their intimacies not only as their own satisfaction or realization of life completeness of a person but also as participating is in giving life to a new creature, a new person, destined for an eternal live. Intimacies are not limited by giving birth to children, equally they exist for unity in love, for the mutual enriching and gladness of married couples. But for all that high value which christianity gives to the carnal unity, Church has always unreservedly rejected all attempts of its "deification". Our time is characterized by attempts of releasing carnal extramarital unity from associations with a sin, sense of guilt and shame. All defenders of this "emancipation" do not understand, do not see that moment, which, perhaps, is central in the christian understanding of the world. "According to a christian world view, a human nature, in spite of the fact that ontologically it is good, there is a nature fallen, and fallen not partly, not so, that some properties of a human have remained untouched and clean, but in all its whole... Love and lasciviousness have mixed up irreparablly, and it is impossible to separate and isolate one from another. Exactly for this reason Church condemns, as really demonic, those ideas and studies which - in different combinations with each other - call upon to sexual liberation". But is a human capable in his (her) present, fallen state, of a veritable, perfect love? Christianity is not only a commandment, but an afflatus and a gift of love. In order love of a man and a woman to be such perfect, as it was created by God, it must be the only one, indissoluble, endless and divine. The Lord not onle granted this establishment, but also gives power to carry it out in the Mystery of christian marriage in Church. In it a man and a woman are given a chance to become one spirit and one flesh. How high is Christ's studies about a real Marriage! Against your will you will ask: is it really possible in our life? "His disciples say unto him. If the case of the man be so with his wife, (I.e. if the ideal of marriage is so high), it is not good to marry. But He said unto them. All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given» (Mt.19, 10-11). Christ as though says: "Yes, the ideal of marriage is high, the obligations of a husband to his wife are difficult; not everybody is strong enough to follow this ideal, not everybody contains My word (studies) about marriage, but who is allowed to do that, however with God's help this ideal is reached". "It is not good to marry!" It is an unintentional exclamation of the disciples whom a husband's obligations to his wife were explained to. A weak human trembles before such a great task - to transform his sinful nature - either he marries, or he is going to become a monk. Unity in Divine love, which makes the Kingdom of Heaven, is given in its infacy on the earth and must be grown by a deed. Because love is both gladness and tender emotion, and rejoicing about each other, but love is also a deed: «Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ» (Gall.6,2). Dimitriy, Archbishop of Tobolsk and Tyumen
